18 Years Lost, 18th Year Found.

I am currently 18 years old and up until now I have been treading on the lost road. Even though I grew up in a Christian home, there has always been a constant resistance in my heart to fully accept Christ. Church wasn't exactly a happy place for me to be when I turned about 11. I am a Canadian born Filipino, but the church I was apart of was a Filipino church based in the Philippines. The cultural difference became a barrier which created misunderstandings, and in short I grew to be miserable and angry.

At the same time, my parents were new Christians only coming to know Christ a year after I was born. They had only immigrated to Canada four years before that. My parents were overwhelmed with their own struggles; trying to juggle their spiritual lives, work, and raising a family. I would not say I was neglected, but I developed somewhat of an unhealthy independence. I began to shut people out and bottle my emotions; and I carried this habit well into my teenage years.

I attempted to try to become involved with my Church and live an active Christian life. But I had so much anger and resentment in me that I did not realize was there; making it difficult to maintain whatever joy for Christ I had. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with depression. I stopped going to school for two years. Those were very dark days. I finally went into remission in November 2008, and had by this time returned to school to complete my final year. I was happier, re-connected with old friends, but there was still something missing. I indulged in the sins that are typical of teenagers, leaving me feeling guilty. However, I did not stop my behaviour.

When I graduated, I should have felt a huge sense of accomplishment, but I didn't. That empty feeling was still there. There was a few weeks where I felt more lost than ever. Friendships became strained and just an overall sense of unhappiness hung over me. I finally acknowledged the fact that it was God missing in my life. However, it was only until I stumbled across this website and read the article "How Much Can God Really Forgive?" that I just broke down and began to cry. The fear that God wouldn't accept me because of my constant shortcomings diminished, and I began to just pour my heart out to God. I picked up my Bible for the first time in years, and read James 4. For the first time a true sense of peace and understanding came over me, as well as a sense of purpose.

I would just like to extend my gratitude not only towards God, but as well as to Nick's inspiration and the people behind this project. God has truly blessed me with your lives. Thank you and may God continually bless and use you mightily in His name.

(by: Marielle)


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