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Finding me

Hi Nick, my name is Brandon and I live in Colorado. I remember watching one of your videos in 7th grade, it really touched me and I felt inspired and motivated to take on my problems and climb right over them. But when freshman year started I was a nervous wreck and afraid of being in highschool. After a week I quit going to public school and started online schooling. I threw away everything leaving public school, I was on the football team, I had friends and people I loved to talk with. But, I let my anxiety wash it all away. When I was doing online school it didn’t help me at all. I had no one to socialize or meet with, soon I felt alone and depressed. I was always at home, and my parents would do everything they could to try to help cheer me up. But I couldn’t hear them because I was drowning in my darkest thoughts. I always wondered why wasn’t God helping me, why wasn’t He there for me? But in reality He was. Soon after 9th grade I decided to try public school again, I was afraid and felt alone, still my Dad would always tell me, “if today is not your day there is always tomorrow”. I loved that. But, on the first day of 10th grade I didn’t think I would make it, until I got to one of my first classes, and met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I remember the teacher telling us to put our tables together to get to know one another, and in my head fireworks were going off, I made sure I got to sit next to her. Soon after meeting her I finally found courage to ask her to come hangout with me and my friends. She decided she would come and I got to know her better, I bought her a soda and talked with her at a table. I knew after that day I was in love with that girl. The next week I asked her out on a date, she said yes, I could have sworn my heart just exploded, and soon after that we were dating. This girl had saved me from the dark pit I was in, I loved her with all my heart, and she soon became my everything. The only problem was, she was two grades ahead of me and it was her last year in high school. At the end of that year unfortunately we had decided to break up, I understood why since she was going to college. But those last few weeks of our relationship, I became depressed once again. I blamed myself for us having to split apart, we had talked about it for a while. I shared so much with this girl and didn’t want to let go, I asked myself why was this happening? I asked God as well why?. About a month later after we broke up, I felt heart broken, I felt lost, alone, afraid and wanted to kill myself. I thought after being alone for so long, then finding someone, I now had to be alone again. I felt like I couldn’t do it. About a month before school started this year, (I’m a junior now) I went camping with my grandparents, and my grandmas family came. They were going to hike Mt. Huron, I always talked about going hiking and thought I might as well join them, maybe it would clear my head. We reached the base of the mountain ready to start our hike, on the way up I felt as if I was headed to meet someone, at the top of the mountain 14,000 feet in the air. Halfway up not once did I feel tired or sore, after about 6 hours into the hike we reached the top. I remember the air being still and quiet. The person I was looking for wasn’t who I was expecting, it was God. I sat down on a rock looking in the air, and felt as if I could reach up and touch heaven. I felt at peace, my worries and heart ache had been lifted away from my body. Even now I cannot explain the feeling I felt up there exactly. When someone asked me what I saw or felt, all I could say was “God’s presence”. My Junior year started this year (I’m 17 now). To be honest I’ve still had struggles here and there as I think about my ex-girlfriend. I still talk to her, just wish I could more often. The truth is I’m afraid that I will break down in tears if I do. I still want to be there for her to ask how her day was, how’s she doing, what’s new?. But, I can’t help but be afraid. I have my worries about my own life as well. I’m failing high school and don’t even know what I want to be when I’m out of high school. I think, what if I don’t graduate?, what if I don’t find a career? What then?. I hadn’t talked to God since the beginning of school and so its been months. But Nick, I talked to him last night and I remembered watching your video in 7th grade. I watched more of your videos and looked at your quotes. You and God are helping right now as I write this. Both of you are helping me with my fears, and heart ache. My mom and dad are there as well making me laugh and making me feel happy. My soul was broken, but its being repaired by those I love. I thank you so much Nick for your motivation and telling your life experiences. If I had a chance to hug you man I wouldn’t let go. Thank you again, Nick.

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